Tuesday, December 18

what wouldn't jesus jam without?

As a musician, I am always on the lookout for the next hot thing in a website that makes no sense about a product that is hilarious.


Everybody VAM!

VAM stands for Vocal Acoustic Monitor!


VAM is eating my face!

Since it's immediately apparent what this is, I barely need to explain to you that . But you probably have a couple of other questions like I don't have a VAM yet, so what should I do in the mean time until I buy a VAM in each of the available colors??

Do you VAM what I VAM?

Oh yes, cupping the ear. Classic. Aren't there problems with this technique though, because I can't think of any but I really want to buy a VAM! right now anyway.

Totally. If only there were a way that I could tape the thing you play jai alai with to a microphone and hold it up to my face while I sing so that I wouldn't look so ridiculous all the time.

I learned how to give VAM in prison.

Re: "what do you know," my answer is that you literally just forgot to say "no homo" like five or six times, and that nothing about any of this is real.


Hello, operator? My wig is broken. VAM!


Don't leave me hangin, Cancelmo. Tell me where to get one right now.

Great. So I'm pretty much convinced, but I just wanna make sure this is right for me, so like, what kind of musician is the VAM! perfect for?

Fat Steven Tyler's like "WHAT THE VAM!??!?!?"


"Pancake. Uh huh, P-A-N-C... yes, like a pancake.
What do you mean this isn't a phone?"

This tool is not a piece of shit.



Max Silvestri said...


I love this post so much. So funny.

Viva La Vam.

Larry Pancake? 851 Lbs of Vam? I am dying here.

In high school I was really into vam bands.

Anonymous said...

this is like the equivilent of a retainer/night-brace for rock stars.

Anonymous said...

it looks like a bacon

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

The VAM is a vocal acoustic monitor that makes complete sense. If you can't hear your voice you sing off key.
VAM is a inexpensive training tool that works.

You can play amplified gear and sing into the VAM for personal monitoring in the private, same during live band practice when back up singers are reluctant to sing. The VAM helps new singers find the correct pitch without throwing off the band.
Aerosmith, kiss, kid rock, machina, saliva,beach boys use vam on the road to warm up. Many bands are using VAM live because floor monitors a lot of times are ineffective or venues do not have good sound equipment. I would rather see a band using VAM than hearing a singer sing off key do to poor monitoring systems.
You can make fun of anything in the world; its easy to do that; but the fact is the product works; but would be impossible to make it invisible.

sachar said...

I know, right?