fat man to mars

this is amazing.

you really did it this time.

happy new year, or whatever.

DATA

This is a phonecard.

A phonecard is about making phonecalls.

A phonecard is about making phonecalls, and this phonecard is also about making mistakes.

The biggest/only making a phonecall mistake you can make is dialing the wrong number.

HYPOTHESIS

This is the phonecard you use when you accidentally call the wrong person.

EXPERIMENT

In order for this to work, you have to have known you were calling the wrong person ahead of time and gone through with it anyway.

CONCLUSION

you're an idiot.

you're a time traveler.

REPORT

Ooops, I solved time travel and it only cost me two dollars.

NOTES

Don't forget to put my scientific method on your Best of 2008 lists, everyone.

powers of ten

(if you've never seen Powers of Ten, go here.)
- - -

At first, you might think that I'm looking at porn...



but I'm really looking at stills from the movie Drumline...



as they appear on Mitt Romney's MySpace page...



which I'm looking at in the Apple Store...



the Apple Store that's part of a roller coaster...



on the island that I own...



the island that I own in the middle of an ocean...



that I got them to build for me, on Mars...



which is somewhere in the solar system...



as it appears on on Wikipedia...



which is so easy, even old people can use it.

Facts about Inner Outer Space:
-it exists within every one of us, somewhere between the inner child and the inner demons
-it is how we got to the moon, unleashed the MARS rover
-it is why we say reach for the stars even though wtf, right?
-it is why we all I saw the movie Alien VS Predator
-it is the one thing that will ultimately fix mankind when the aliens arrive, cold and emotionless as the space-metal on their flying cars, wearing t-shirts that say My only inner Earth is the one I killed and ate... ZORG!, shouting with an incurable bloodlust: Hey Earthlings- R U READY 2 GET FUCT?!??!, pounding beer after beer, and killing us all as we try to explain that our love and understanding is as vast and endless as the tiny universe inside us all.