I am a boring human.

Max: you up to anything tonight?
me: oh man... my actual answer that I was going to write because it's true is that I was going to make a bean salad, but I don't think I'm going to anymore because I got a big salad for lunch.
me: so no, I don't think so.

therefore, in conclusion, if you want a shot at relating to me, take out all of your cool parts, cover them with garbage, and then throw them in the garbage.

also, a salad.

kick me.

this is a video daily double

bet it all on Gabe and Max!


[via bing boing]

by the way, max knows a lot about music and making you laugh.

make it rain

this is the best thing you and I have seen in a really long time, everyone.

Max and Gabe's Internet Thing to How to Use the Internet Dreams and Life.

plz invent, you guys.

with friends like these...

this monkey and this pigeon
THANK GOD THIS EXISTS !!1!!1111!!!!1!

[via daily mail]

[thanks to Friend, M.D. for sending this in]

we. are. your friends.

so this conversation happened...

Friend, M.D.: how can i figure out how much my cat weighs?
me: um, really?
Friend, M.D.: no no i need to know because i want to switch her over to wet food and i need to know the amount she should be eating
me: but like, you're asking me how to find out how much something weighs?
Friend, M.D.: but i dont have a scale, so i think im screwed
me: get a scale
Friend, M.D.: without a scale!
me: you want to know how to find out how much something weighs, but you don't want the answer to be "use a scale"?
Friend, M.D.: no, I'm saying I don't have a scale
me: is this a riddle?
this is a riddle, right?
Friend, M.D.: does your roommate's cat eat canned food?
me: I'm done with this.
Friend, M.D.: i think its funny that people complain that their cats are finicky
my cat eats anything and everything
me: seriously, stop it.

but then, since I'm such a good friend, I asked another good friend
what he thought she should do...

me: [that conversation]
Max: Tell her to fill a bucket with water and mark a line in the bucket where the surface is. Then get someone to hold the cat completely underwater for about a minute while you make a new line. Calculate the weight by taking the distance between the lines and then throwing the cat in the trash because now it's dead.

Look how much money I saved her.