this guy used craigslist to Thomas Crown Affair a Bank of America!!1!
his getaway car was an innertube! he floated down Freedom Creek in an innertube with all of the money, and nobody stopped him.
"so then we're like, 'hmmm...'"
all of the awards. everyone involved with this, every award.
this morning I got an email from a guy who was like "I drew on a lunchbox or something, for hunger" so I checked it out and, since I am smart, designed my own lunchbox for the cure that is filled with money and pukes money whenever it opens its lunchmouth. also, my lunchbox is times a million. don't mention it. 
just kidding, this is the real one I made:
just kidding, I don't care about stuff or helping stuff out.
but if unlike me, you are looking for a way to do a charity this holiday season, try this:
step 1: kidnap a lot of kids
step 2: pre-lie about where they came from
step 3: when you get caught for kidnapping a ton of kids and having pre-lied about where they came from, and people start asking the tough questions like how come these kids were bandaged and covered in fake blood, even though they weren't injured? get your lawyer to say that you did it to amuse them because they were scared of the journey.
eventually, I bought that 10 dollar digital camera they sell at Walgreens, which is fine because it's also a keychain and comes with a free USB cable, and I'm used to spending about 7 or 8 dollars on my keychains and like 15 dollars on my USBs, which means that Walgreens is actually paying me to accidentally take pictures of my keys and the insides of my pockets.
but here is another way to get a camera:
you are walking down the street and a family is taking pictures of itself in front of the Empire State Building (never forget) but the leader of the family is too busy taking the pictures to be in any of them and that is where you come in. you casually come up behind him and say "I'll take it" with a smile on, and you put your hands out and he puts the camera in your hands and you run away with it. this will always work because when he realizes that what you meant was "I'll take it [the camera, sir]" he discovers that you have done nothing wrong and he doesn't bother trying to get you into any trouble.
later, Mrs. leaves him but it's okay because you deleted the photos from their trip to New York a year and a half ago, so it's like this marriage never happened.
[I haven't tried this scam yet, but I am confident that there are no problems with it.]
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