Tuesday, December 18

what wouldn't jesus jam without?

As a musician, I am always on the lookout for the next hot thing in a website that makes no sense about a product that is hilarious.



VAM!




Everybody VAM!




VAM stands for Vocal Acoustic Monitor!

VAM!




VAM is eating my face!



Since it's immediately apparent what this is, I barely need to explain to you that . But you probably have a couple of other questions like I don't have a VAM yet, so what should I do in the mean time until I buy a VAM in each of the available colors??



Do you VAM what I VAM?

Oh yes, cupping the ear. Classic. Aren't there problems with this technique though, because I can't think of any but I really want to buy a VAM! right now anyway.



Totally. If only there were a way that I could tape the thing you play jai alai with to a microphone and hold it up to my face while I sing so that I wouldn't look so ridiculous all the time.


I learned how to give VAM in prison.



Re: "what do you know," my answer is that you literally just forgot to say "no homo" like five or six times, and that nothing about any of this is real.

VAM!


Hello, operator? My wig is broken. VAM!



UNCLE VAM WANTS YOU!



Don't leave me hangin, Cancelmo. Tell me where to get one right now.



Great. So I'm pretty much convinced, but I just wanna make sure this is right for me, so like, what kind of musician is the VAM! perfect for?




Fat Steven Tyler's like "WHAT THE VAM!??!?!?"


COME VAM WITH US.



"Pancake. Uh huh, P-A-N-C... yes, like a pancake.
What do you mean this isn't a phone?"



This tool is not a piece of shit.

VAM!

Friday, December 14

it takes a village, idiot

this morning I got an email from a guy who was like "I drew on a lunchbox or something, for hunger" so I checked it out and, since I am smart, designed my own lunchbox for the cure that is filled with money and pukes money whenever it opens its lunchmouth. also, my lunchbox is times a million. don't mention it.



just kidding, this is the real one I made:



just kidding, I don't care about stuff or helping stuff out.

but if unlike me, you are looking for a way to do a charity this holiday season, try this:
step 1: kidnap a lot of kids
step 2: pre-lie about where they came from
step 3: when you get caught for kidnapping a ton of kids and having pre-lied about where they came from, and people start asking the tough questions like how come these kids were bandaged and covered in fake blood, even though they weren't injured? get your lawyer to say that you did it to amuse them because they were scared of the journey.

Monday, December 3

IM IN UR STRIKE, SUPPORTIN THE WRITERZ

a video from Frank Lesser and others members of the Colbert crew...


learn more about stuff be going here.