life in the fast lane

[sometimes I talk to the radio.]



commercial: aren't you tired of waiting in line?
me: yes
commerical: don't you hate--
me: yes
commercial: wouldn't you--
me: yes
commercial: words about flying. flying. this is about flying on planes. airports, business-class, briefcase. legroom. we are talking about flying. so isn't it about time you--
me: yes
commercial: don't you think EZPass is so good?
me: yes, because I am tired of waiting in line.

commercial: do you want to blow-up an airport?
me: yes
commercial: do you want to blow-up an airport without getting caught?
me: yes
commercial: how about an airplane? do you want to blow-up an airplane?
me: yes
commercial: do you want to get caught?
me: yes. no. I mean, no. yes.
commercial: do you have a name, or a fake name that you know how to use?
me: yes
commercial: do you have a computer and a credit card and almost one hundred dollars?
me: yes
commercial: and you want to blow-up an airport, right?
me: yes, I especially do.
commercial: then for a businessman like you, the answer is clear.


"Somehow, we have to find common sense solutions that don't make everyone a suspect and create security bottlenecks everywhere we go. To be blunt, that means we need a fair, sensible way not to treat everyone the same when it comes to terrorism protection." -Creator/CEO

"It has allowed me to catch at least two flights I would have missed if I were not using the Clear lane."
J. V. - Member Since 2005

"Clear has given me back some control over a piece of the travel experience that can be very time consuming. My family thanks you!"
M. E. - Member Since 2005

"I'm white, so this works out for me."
E. W. - Member since 2007

I miss the old new york

eventually, I bought that 10 dollar digital camera they sell at Walgreens, which is fine because it's also a keychain and comes with a free USB cable, and I'm used to spending about 7 or 8 dollars on my keychains and like 15 dollars on my USBs, which means that Walgreens is actually paying me to accidentally take pictures of my keys and the insides of my pockets.

but here is another way to get a camera:

you are walking down the street and a family is taking pictures of itself in front of the Empire State Building (never forget) but the leader of the family is too busy taking the pictures to be in any of them and that is where you come in. you casually come up behind him and say "I'll take it" with a smile on, and you put your hands out and he puts the camera in your hands and you run away with it. this will always work because when he realizes that what you meant was "I'll take it [the camera, sir]" he discovers that you have done nothing wrong and he doesn't bother trying to get you into any trouble.



later, Mrs. leaves him but it's okay because you deleted the photos from their trip to New York a year and a half ago, so it's like this marriage never happened.

[I haven't tried this scam yet, but I am confident that there are no problems with it.]

math is hard

I might try harder tomorrow.

iCake / CakePod

This is an iPod that organizes your pictures of cake.





(it's Friday and also, I'm starving.)

meat pipe bomb

(I don't know anything about meat or bombs.)

I found that on youtube today.

(in all fairness, the video provides some context, but still, MrHairyNutz should watch what he says about paying for kids that he found on the internet.)

walk^TV
(this is not a good idea.)

(my sister invented this in her brain, and then I invented it on my computer.)

(Swan is not a vampire- he just works in the dining hall. He is not the one who messed up all the cups.)

(the two in the back get to wear crowns because they are going to die in the worst way.)

(the giraffe uses its unicorn thing to pick fruit out of trees. it doesn't come with the fruit already on it.)