Monday, October 29

this sucks, change it.

my thing is broken. this is a test. brb, everyone.

Friday, October 26

more than less than three

omg you guys, I found a boyfriend again...

but what would the kids look like?

no son, thank YOU.

Monday, October 22


this is a hotdog that uses the computer until he gets caught.

(I didn't make this. it's "found art" or whatever.)

Thursday, October 18


last night, we got a free sesame seed bagel with our salad-and-panini combo, which made as much sense then as this does now.


everybody do the BAGELBLADES!!!1!!!!!

BAGELBLADES!!!1!!1!!! ExTrEmE!!!1!!!1!1

BAGELBLADES!!!1!1!!!1! WTF!!!!1!!1!!!

Monday, October 15

make it rain

this is the best thing you and I have seen in a really long time, everyone.

Max and Gabe's Internet Thing to How to Use the Internet Dreams and Life.

plz invent, you guys.

Thursday, October 11

less than three

OhMyGuys, you guys, I met a guy!

he's sooooo funny!

and totally laid back!

he volunteers as a ghost in a hospital!

and is great with children.

we're into all the same things!

active lifestyle!

we'll probably be together forever.

UPDATE: his head made out of fruit went bad after a week.

I see what you did there


stay classy, everyone involved with this.

Monday, October 8

I miss the old new york

eventually, I bought that 10 dollar digital camera they sell at Walgreens, which is fine because it's also a keychain and comes with a free USB cable, and I'm used to spending about 7 or 8 dollars on my keychains and like 15 dollars on my USBs, which means that Walgreens is actually paying me to accidentally take pictures of my keys and the insides of my pockets.

but here is another way to get a camera:

you are walking down the street and a family is taking pictures of itself in front of the Empire State Building (never forget) but the leader of the family is too busy taking the pictures to be in any of them and that is where you come in. you casually come up behind him and say "I'll take it" with a smile on, and you put your hands out and he puts the camera in your hands and you run away with it. this will always work because when he realizes that what you meant was "I'll take it [the camera, sir]" he discovers that you have done nothing wrong and he doesn't bother trying to get you into any trouble.

later, Mrs. leaves him but it's okay because you deleted the photos from their trip to New York a year and a half ago, so it's like this marriage never happened.

[I haven't tried this scam yet, but I am confident that there are no problems with it.]

Friday, October 5

dumb girl

when I was little (awesome childhood alert), I wished really hard upon a star for this thing I called an anything box, which looked like this:

and worked like this:
1. think of something you want
2. push blue button
3. thing appears
5. play with/eat new thing
6. get bored, go back to watching Disney Afternoon

anyway, I completely forgot about this idea until last night when Le Quay and I went to see Into Le Wild and I was like "man, this guy could really use an anything box," and then I was like "ANYTHING BOX!!!" and it all came flooding back.

so yeah, the point I'm trying to make here is that I was going to call this post Into The Child, and then I realized how horrible that is.

have a good weekend, everyone.


in case you can't read that, it says:

still, have a good weekend.

[daily mail, via j-dog]

Tuesday, October 2

into the future

so we were at a little league game on Sunday, and ethan's like "something something something pizone" and I'm like "yeah, the Pizza Hut thing" and he's like, "no, something much more amazing than that" and proceeds to explain that somewhere out there in the world, there is an ice-cream cone made out of pie-crust and that it's filled with a slice of pizza.


anyway, I did some research.

they're called CrispyCones, and they are amazing disgusting amazing disgusting my sister my daughter my sister my daughter disgusting AND amazing!

but mostly, disgusting.

this one has RICE in it!

this one isn't even pizza!

what the BARF!


from www.crispycones.barf/ew:
Isn’t it time to reinvent the way we eat our favorite foods?
no. and pizza is perfect, which is why you always hear people say "that picture is pizza perfect" and things like that.

After all, we do everything differently than we did just a few years ago.
hm, okay.

The music industry has MP3’s.

Cell phones got built-in cameras. Laptops went the wireless internet way.
dear this website: I am interested in learning more about pizza, please, and less about laptop MP3 cellphones and also, what the fuck are you talking about?

Made with nutritious ingredients and delivered in a smart drip-free cone
nutritious ingredients include: ham, pizza, eggs, "Asian beef," apple pie. smart. plus, drip-free??? gross.

Not only is the shape of the cone different than anything else out there,
not true.

it’s also different in concept.
this is retarding my brain.

With its easy-to-handle shape, the Crispy Cone is the food you’ll love to eat on the move. Whether in the car, the mall, or walking down the street, the Crispy Cone lets you enjoy its delicious, hassle-free flavors while shuffling through your MP3, driving your car, working at your desk or talking on your cell phone.
shuffling through your MP3 can get pretty complicated but also, if you are eating this, you probably can't do that, or walk or drive a car and you definitely don't have a desk to work a job at because you are too stupid to eat like a grown-up human, probably because you took your brain out and put it in a cone because you thought it would be easier to think that way.


[thanks, ethan.]